Domestic Situation

I am married to Faye and we live in a house in Winchester, in Hampshire, with our two young children Reuben and Ariel. This is ironic, as I spend rather a lot of time in my books mocking Winchester, yet have recently moved back here nonetheless. I have not joined up these contrary facts as yet, in case it turns out to be impossible. Faye is an *adjective deleted* cheese in publishing but has banned me from attempting to be published by her publishing company because it would make her feel uncomfortable: she worries that I would come home and yell at her about why I’m not selling enough copies, which is fair enough because I probably would. I’m pretty into domestic violence; the police come round and confiscate our knives; how am I supposed to chop an onion? This, of course, is a joke, readers: I get her to do all the cooking while I watch ITV.

Vital Statistics:

I am Caucasian, six feet, one inch high and weigh almost twelve stone. I’ve never been in a fight but that doesn’t mean I’m scared of fighting, although I am.

Pets:

No pets.

Hobbies:

I listen to a lot of music and play in the band(s) mentioned here. I am building a studio in my basement
I read books and the Guardian newspaper
I support Southampton Football Club
I am significantly less keen on Portsmouth Football Club
I walk a lot. We are “walkers”
I like politics; I consider myself “political”
I think that’s everything

Temperament:

I am friendly.